In Search of Community

I love Facebook! I really do. Where else can you connect with your cousin in Delaware, the neighbor down the street, your old Social Studies teacher, reps from your local farmer's market, your bff from high school, the author of your favorite blog, 20 random church ladies AND your husband all in the span of a half an hour while drinking your morning coffee and sitting in your jammies? On Facebook, we're able to catch up with people we haven't seen in years and communicate with our extended families on a regular basis. We can share news, create groups, post recipes, and send invitations. And it's fun, isn't it? To wake up and see if you have a message in your inbox.... to see what people are up to.....to update your profile ..... to have a place to say something. It's amazing! Take a look at Facebook's stats (fun ones here!): more than 500 million active users, 400 million of whom log onto their accounts at least once a month, 50% of whom are on every day (raising my hand). Still 200 million of us access it through our mobile devices, 'cause we wanna get our Facebook fix everywhere. The numbers are staggering.... Clearly, we like our cyber connectedness!

But as much as I love Facebook and as amazing as technology has become, I have to be honest with you, friends: some days I'm just not that impressed anymore. I dunno.... Maybe it's that I've been on Facebook for a long time now.... or that I get bored easily..... or that I am a spoiled and apathetic member of an entertainment-saturated generation (yikes!). Maybe it's all the political mumbo jumbo..... or the person whose status lines are just one big run-on complaint (eye roll)..... maybe it's the silly videos I have no interest in watching but click on anyway...... or the sad fact that some people cannot use "your" & "you're" correctly (ha, kidding!)...... or the regretful feeling that I've just wasted a whole lotta time today ..... or the fact that lately, I just don't have anything I want to say. I've thought a lot about it, wondering what has changed to leave me feeling so dissatisfied. Here's what I think the problem is: Facebook is not a real community.

Now, don't get me wrong! Sincere, relationship-building interaction CAN happen online and often does. In those precious moments, where an encouraging word is spoken, a prayer is answered, a favor is extended.... online communication has served a wonderful purpose. It's an excellent tool. But that's all it is. A tool. Facebook can be used to build and enhance real relationships. But it isn't authentic community in and of itself.

One of my new favorite writers is Anne Jackson, author of Permission to Speak Freely and the blog Flowerdust.net. On the topic of virtual community Anne writes: "I believe what happens online is connection - not community. People can be vulnerable and honest online. And at times these online connections can be more life-giving than many of our offline relationships, but they are not the same."

While "connection" is great, we were created for something far more interactive: day to day, in person, real live community. And we crave it. In over 70 different languages across the world, people spend 700 billion minutes per month on Facebook. Half of those minutes are mine! Ok, just kiddin'..... Seriously though: 700 billion minutes! Is it purely for entertainment? Simply another mode of contact? Or are people, by nature, really looking for something? In his book, The Church of Facebook: How the Hyperconnected are Redefining Community (which is EXCELLENT, by the way), Jesse Rice explains: "Every day millions of people connect through online social network sites that allow us to follow our friends and shape how they view us. But while personal profiles are revealing, they hint at even larger truths. They uncover our desire for identity, our craving to be known, and our need to belong."

The problem is our hyperconnectivity has an ironic way of leaving us essentially..... unconnected. We log in, check our news feeds, post some pics, say what we want to say, LOL here, LOL there, "like" this and that, and it's over. At least until we check back in again. We keep connecting and connecting and somehow we're still unconnected. Maybe that's not an issue for some, but that's where I find myself these days. Jesse Rice writes: "The reality of our innate need for connection is often most clearly revealed in the experience of disconnection". In the last number of months, I have come to realize that my relationships with real flesh-and-blood people are lacking. Just like everyone else, I crave to be known and I need to belong. But somehow, even after living in virtual proximity to so many people online, I still feel empty when I turn off the computer..... without roots, without family, without community. When it comes to relationships, I feel I have lost a great deal of intentionality in the haze of superficial connection.

So here's the deal..... I'm breaking up with Facebook. For Lent, anyway. 'Cause me and FB have a toxic little habit going on and it needs to stop for a while. Now, I wasn't raised observing Lent and haven't practiced it much as an adult either. But apparently giving up Facebook is not a novel concept. Lots of other people have done it. There are pointers online on "How to give up Facebook for Lent and keep your friends". There's even a group on Facebook itself for people who want to give it up! HA HA! So, I'm pretty confident I will survive.

Anne Jackson took a "Facebook fast" two years ago in response to the discussion on virtual community that I mentioned above. In her explanation to the blogosphere about her hiatus, Anne wrote: "When we spend more time staring at a glowing monitor than we do into the eyes of those we love, or need to love, it might be time to shut off the computer."

In the absence of my daily virtual habit, I really want to focus on God's presence and purpose in my actual life. I'm hoping for some empty spaces and a quiet mind so I can process it all. And I'm praying for the opportunity and ability to be intentional with the people I love and need to love. I want to hang out with my family more. Read books. Have a few people over for dinner. Write. Go out for coffee. Get on the phone (I'm bad at that). Listen (I'm bad at that too). I want to play board games. Carpool a ton of kids. Borrow a cup of sugar from my neighbor (or a garden tiller.... pretty please?) I want a hug. A real one. Not a ((((hug)))). And more than anything, I want to live a good story!

As I spend some time exploring this concept of bona fide community, I hope to share some of what I'm learning right here, with all of you. I'm not giving up the internet as a whole (pretty much impossible when you have kids in cyber school), just the one site that takes the most of my time. Feel free to visit my blog often, leave comments, or get a hold of me via my contact page. I'll be in and out, depending on how REAL real life gets! For those of you who have my e-mail address, I'll be checking that as well. So feel free to say hello. And finally, you can find me at a Starbucks near you. All of them. See if you can spot me! Hopefully I'll be with a friend :-)

Facebook, it's been fun. I'll see ya in April!